Recently I went through an experience that brought up many emotions: excitement, encouragement and surprise, just to name a few. Quickly, my stinkin’ thinkin’ kicked in and I also experienced fear, resentment and grandiosity.
One of the statements that I heard from my first sponsor that has always stayed with me is, “You better get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” I have taken that to heart throughout my recovery, shared it in meetings and also with sponsees. I have always kept that saying in the forefront of my mind, and when faced with uncertainty (which is where I struggle the most), historically I have done a bang-up job staying sane. This time was different.
Consequently (and maybe ironically), I was also in the middle of another 6th Step. However, writing about character defects/assets only seemed to propel me deeper into the downward spiral. I felt like I was on a roller coaster of uncertainty (and recently I blacked out on a roller coaster), so needless to say, I was ready to get off this ride.
In the midst of the mind-bending chaos going on between my ears, I prayed to God to help me make a decision and move on. It’s amazing how connecting with something outside of myself has the power to completely bring me back to center, calm my nerves and give me a voice. Before I knew it, I was opening a door, walking through it and reading a note written on a mirror (in red lipstick) that said, “You know what to do, so do it.” Not really, but that’s how it played out in my head J
Since I have been in recovery, I have only done one thing perfect, and that is not use. I have changed a lot in 10 years, and I have no doubt that I will change more over the next 10. There are many things in my life that have caused me to be uncomfortable, but these things have also almost always taught me a lesson that I needed to learn.